Grace Eh?

So I agree that someone needs to live a Holy and pleasing life in order to please God... but the idea of Grace.. wow. its amazing.

You don't have to be good, you don't need to live a certain way... there is NOTHING you can do to earn God's love.. b/c it is a gift.

It's not like any love we as humans have experienced here on earth. As hard as we try there is nothing we ever do that truly expresses the same love as what my Father in Heaven gives to me. What an amazing book I've been reading called "What's so amazing about Grace." It's amazing... and really has made me think.

Loving it.

4 am wake up call

Dude! No one should ever have to be awake this early, though I'm trying to realize that it is awfully peaceful in this house right now.

I was awoken by little feet trying to go places it shouldn't (Clay was laying at my feet right in between my legs)

My mind is racing with thoughts of the day. My prayer is God will slow me down, forgive my sins, and continue to bless me. I'm torn between what true forgiveness is these days.

Looking back at my life I can't really see where I've ever really trusted anyone enough to need to forgive them, but boy have I needed forgiven. I fall short often and even always. I crave that sweet spirit that only falls on the ones seeking Him, so that is my endeavor for today.

Now if only I could get back to sleep!

Seriously Stressful Day

Anxiety has won once again today. Hoping tomorrow will be better.

Doing this on my own sucks... sucks worse to know my husband would want to do it.

The love and joys of making bad decisions... not sure if I'm seeing Mercy right now.. but I sure am trying.

Comfort in Suffering

I was reading tonight in my devotional about how Mary must have felt when she finally met with her Aunt and how they were able to share in their struggles together. Beth Moore puts it that Elizabeth was older with a questionable marriage -- borrowing maternity clothes from her friends grand daughters (figuratively of course) while Mary probably wasn't even showing yet... but here she could talk with her Aunt free of judgement free from fear of what others might think. They could share together and comfort each other....

2nd Corinthians's talks about this very thing... and as Beth Moore points out.. we get to be these people to others.. but today I'm praying for someone to be this for me. (Sounds selfish huh!)

It says: Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation. (vs. 3)

I'm learning that this comfort isn't necessarily fixing everything, but being that shoulder to cry on when we feel we have no one else to turn too.

Tonight I was feeling so judged by the world, I wanted to immediately come home and scream out to all my face book friends... I'm a liar, cheater, thief, adulterer, I am who you are so right not to want to be. But I have my King Jesus and He is all I need...He forgives me and loves me... so I don't need you!

but I think God knows better. God knows that in dire circumstances He is all we need... but the truth is.. as human beings we also need each other. That is why right in the middle of proclaiming the birth of Christ, as Beth Moore points out, the angel also tells Mary of her aunt who is in a similar situation.

So instead of yelling to the heavens how drastic a sinner I am (and for anyone thinking of judging, these were sins prior to becoming saved, though as every human I struggle with them still...) I instead put a verse from Romans about being judged... after all that was the root of my issue.. I've been feeling so judged.

Something to ponder: Romans 14: 12 - 13

So then each of us shall give account of himself to God. ¹³ Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way.

I must say as I read this I think of how others have made me feel judged, but like them I need to think of how I might also be judging! I pray I'm never a stumbling block to anyone.

The one and only

"Rejoice, highly favored one, the Lord is with you; blessed are you among women!" Luke 1:28

How I wish I could have seen Mary's face after Gabriel had left. To hear that all her actions and prayers had been answered... she was blessed and highly favored by God. I wonder if she had instant peace, or if her fear overwhelmed the moment. I wonder if her love for her God overshadowed her fear. Either way, I hope to one day hear that I am favored by God!

Have you ever heard that song by Kari Jobe "The More I seek you"?



I hope that works... on the onset of my journey in 90 days of getting to know my savior (a new devotional I'm doing) the most important thing I want to say is I want to sit at His feet and worship.. broken and empty... ready for His cup to fill me overflowing!

I have those butterflies in my heart. The ones where you know the Holy Spirit is trying to move within you ... I pray I am open and waiting for what He has to show me.

Depression Sucks!

Isn't it funny that we think depression is a 'mental' illness and some how it's not health related. I love those people who say things like.. she's crazy .. she's bi-polar. As if it's not the same as he's diabetic, she's obese. Mental illness is just as frustrating and life changing as diabetes, cancer, etc. But the even more debilitating is the reaction people have to it. When I hear a person has cancer, I pray for them... but even having dealt with depression, when I hear someone is depressed I don't think of it prayer needing.. but this week I have realized it is. But how exactly do you reach out for that help?

I've been battling my depression all my adult life.. and somehow I know it has affected EVERYTHING from my home to my church to my work... to even my knowledge of who I am. This week it just seems at its worst.

Today I'm just blah... cranky.. irritable... exhausted. Most of the day I've just wanted to sleep...

Richard and I have been waiting on something all week, and it's something pretty big. We found out today that the something came through, and on Friday we'll see it through. This news should have made me running through the streets praising God.. yet I'm still just so overwhelmed and uninterested I can't seem to motivate myself to even fake it. Of course I have prayed and said thank you to God, but it's all I can do to show it to anyone else.

I'm exhausted tonight... I feel as if I want to cry. And the worst part is.. how is my action at all showing the joy and peace of Christ? I just went and attended an amazing church service... yet I was so distracted, I could barely focus on what the preacher was saying. Ugh.. overall depression sucks!

I'm praying a visit to our doctor will help somehow, but I think controlling what I can will too. I can control myself... even if that's all I can control, I can control me. So here's to trying to have a good day tomorrow, trying to work to the best of my abilities, trying to keep my calm and my peace with my children, and trying to just enjoy tomorrow!

Jonah and Disobediance

So at church tonight our youth pastor preached. (THE Bumpers Jr.) He did an amazing job this morning as well. This am he spoke about the "But God"'s in the Bible.. where everything looks bleak and desolate and than we hear the good news "BUT GOD!" It's was a great sermon.

Tonight however really hit close to home. Bumpers Jr. spoke about Jonah and how Jonah KNEW what he needed to do but didn't do it. And this initial disobedience caused a severe in Jonah's relationship w/ God... but God kept pursuing!

That's awesome. What great news for me to hear! I've been feeling disobedient lately. My attitude has been horrible pertaining to a lot of things in our lives... (MONEY mostly) BUT GOD is still in control (the Schraggers reminded me of that today PRAISE God for her!) God is a just and jealous God. Consequences of my disobedience are occurring as we speak BUT GOD will forgive me... but I need to be willing to ask and turn from that! amazing!

I've been reading w/ Lori Ann the Sparks stuff (okay honestly read it today w/ her :( ) and as I read it and went through John 3:16 with her, it smacked me in the face at how clearly the Bible says.. all men/women/boy/girl are sinners. all men/women/boy/girl need a savior. WE KNOW THAT SAVIOR.. and I need to follow Him completely. I need to stop the half hearted following of Christ and step out and follow Him in everything.

I've been stressing SO much about everything. About the finances, about the house, about school decisions, about legal concerns, about the kids, about my marriage... and I've learned that worrying doesn't do anything for that. But pushing aside worrying isn't the same as having faith that God will supply. Having faith is KNOWING without a shadow of a doubt that you will be held and protected b/c you are a beloved child of the KING.

I've also been listening to the words of the ladies at church who have been through struggles and have enjoyed hearing that I'm not alone!

So here's a tip for you: If you are truly struggling with your life circumstances... speak to the saints in your church. You know the ones that if they had saints in your church (mine do not lol) they would be chosen. Like the Schraggers or the Robertsons or the Kings or the Templetons (HEY BROADWAY ROCKS!) etc. (just names of some of the women in my church who I think should be sainted for putting up w/ me lol)

ALSO -- if you are struggling DO NOT SURROUND yourself with people who are acting as if they are perfect. This will just depress you and get you into an evil thing called jealousy. I'm learning that no matter how hard/easy etc your life may be someone has it worse OR better. Living thankfully for what you have and being content is the only way to be happy. I was complaining about my 20.00 grocery budget and the Schraggers told me about another person w/ a 10.00 grocery budget. Yet I also know someone w/ a grocery budget of 200.00 a week. Life is different for everyone, and my struggle w/ money might be someone elses struggle with lust etc.

Today I need to do what I can to make the good choices. To fully live out my faith in Jesus Christ. That's all I can do.. and that's all I need to do. B/c the rest will fall into place! Like my other post says: as long as I got King Jesus!

Have you met my King? If not.. I hope and pray one day you do!